Fahira : My Grandpa's Ducks

It was a happy trip we had a couple of weeks ago when we went to my father's place on the third day of Idul Fitri : Moslem's Holy Day. We gathered together with all of my siblings and spent the night barbecuing there.

It is a seldom thing for my siblings and I to gather as a whole, because the four of us live in four different cities and have difficulties to match our off days.

My father retired about 11 years ago, and 2 years after my mother passed away, he remarried and live with my step mother for the previous 3 years. Both of them loves gardening so they spent their everyday lives planting edible food and flowers.

My father said a few months ago, that he would love to add something more entertaining for him to play with and to make his grandchildren happy when they visit so he add : ducks. And yes, Fahira and her cousins are happy. And so are we.

Fahira : Planting My Own Jasmine

Fahira loves to pick our neighbour's jasmine and put it on her hair. The owner of the jasmine lets her does that daily in the evening when the children in the neighbourhood play together near her home.

I then decided to grow one in our own land and asked for a little of her jasmine for me to plant at home, the dear old grandmother gave me.

I told Fahira to do the planting, and she was so glad doing that.

Fahira : Daily Tasks

My first daughter, Fahira, is a third grader. When she was being a first and second grader, she used to be an (forced) early bird, because her school started at 7.15 pm. Due to the lack of classes, the school made the third grader be in the afternoon shift, starting at 12.45-16.30 pm. Fahira then started to wake up late. I let her, because I'm afraid that she will be sleepy in her class.

Until a few days ago, when we had a chat and I told her about the fun things I did with Farisha in the morning. I talked about the beautiful sunshine, and how the day is not so hot and so comfortable to have breakfast outside while watching the birds and greet the neighbors who pass by our home to their schools or work. That makes Fahira would to experience the same thing.as well and told how fun it would be if she could help me clean the house before school etc. I said that I'm not wanting to tell her everything she should do everyday instead, I want her to think of what she wants to do to spend her day, and I told her to decide and set her own itinerary daily and if she write it down probably I could help her reach her goal.

So she did it. She even add a little decoration as a background. So, let's get started, and Bismillah, I hope it works.

Fahira : Our time

Everyone knows that parents have responsibility to give love and care to their children, but not everyone realizes that giving equal love is as important. When you have children, you probably spend time with one child more than the other, it could be because he is the youngest or if he is sick or has special need and care. We thought we are being a fair parent, but our child might think we're not.

I could say this because it happens to me myself : the extra time I gave for Fatimah and Farisha caused a jeaulousy to Fahira. The latter is big enough to take care for herself while the other two are in very active stages of life, so I used to tell Fahira to do things wiithout assisting ( take a bath, clean her room etc ). Oh yes, I still kiss her, love her, and speak nice and gentle to her, but it's just seldom to have me just for her. The result ? She keeps craving for attention, which often make me mad. Saying she cannot sleep alone, needs me to accompany her, or she's not able to make her bed, needs me to show her how, and she keeps on forgetting to bring her towel and needs me to take it to her after bath. Those everyday routine she does since last year suddenly need my assistance again.

First, I thought that she's just being spoiled, but then I remember watching a "super nanny" episode where the situation is about the same like what I'm dealing with now. And Ms. Jo Frost suggests to spend time only with the child.



Ok, I tried. I then assist Fahira doing her homework when her sisters are taking a nap, and be in her bed when her sisters are sleeping at night to listen to her stories, what she's been through that day, her friends, school etc. And actually, it's a win-win solution, she felt she's loved as much as her sisters by me. And I become closer to her. And the plus side ? She's even willing to help me without being asked, including taking care of her sisters. Nomore jealousy. :-D

Fahira : My curious lovely girl

Some questions can't be answered

I've graduated from school. My mark is not bad. I feel like I'm quiet clever ---- but I still can't seem to answer some of my daughter's questions, frankly, google is needed.

Well, what are the questions?

I know the answers of school lessons questions, like maths or english. I know the answers of basic science questions but it requires a lot of explanations and she doesn't even understand sometimes. I know the answer of sexual questions but I am embarrassed to say.

By showing Fahira's question that I'm unable to answer here, will somebody advice me how to reply her properly?

1. Mom, you are the who gave birth to me and breastfed me, how can my face be like daddy? (While seeing her father pic when he's her age)

My answer was, because he is your father. Hhhhhh.

2. How can the baby be in your womb? (When I was pregnant)

My answer : God sent her here

3. Why we cry when somebody is died if you said she is already happy with God?

My answer : Because we're not able to see her again until we died.

4. Why it's snowing in the western and it isn't here?

My answer : 'showing a ball'. This is the earth, we're in the middle. We have the bright sun all year so it's not cold enough for snowing.

5. How does a fish sleep?

My answer : I don't know

6. How do they make a plane?

My answered : There's a factory where planes are made

Fahira: Apologizing

Fahira is in the second grade now and has a lot of friends. She plays with her sisters at home, plays with children her age in our neighborhood, plays with her friends at school and plays with children in her grandparent's neighborhood when she visits them (which is very often). Sometimes, one or two of her schoolmates come to our house after school to play until evening. I let them do so, but my regulation is that they must come back home first to tell their mothers. I don't want their mothers worry of where their children missing after school.

And when children play, there will always be things to start a fight among them. Whether it is about the toys or one wants to be the leader or whatever, fight amongs children while playing is usual.

The question is what we should do as parent when we witness this happen? I myself will let them cope their problems by themselves. But if the problem was quiet serious, I would ask what happen and listen to both sides explaining the situation. Then I would try to find the fair solution and make them be friends again. Usually it was just about "selfishness" little children do have (we all have been children and know what it feels). The hard part is just asking the child to apoligize. But with good words and right attitude, these children will sure be tamed. 

Just one thing I would love to tell new parents :  just as quarreling while playing is usual, they forgive and forget the quarrel way faster than we imagine. So just don't involve too much. Your words might hurt other parent if you blame her child. And surely it will last longer in her heart while your children already act like nofight ever happen.

Fahira

Fahira Azzahra, my eldest daughter. She is almost 7 years old now. I keep wondering a lot of times, how time flies so fast. Sometimes, I still remember her as that tiny baby. And now, she is in the first grade already. She can read, write, count. Hmmmm, my big girl. I'm feeling kind of old. :-P.

The other thing that makes me proud of her is that she loves cleaning. She likes to offer help when I'm doing house work. 

Like this afternoon, I took candid pictures of her sweeping and scrubbing the floor of the little terrace. Ours is very tiny one. We rent this house 4 months ago. A small house, unlike when we still live with my mother in law's house. But we're okay with it. Starting small is a good thing. My daughter will learn to clean small space first before stepping to a bigger one when we can afford to buy a house.

Her work is quite tidy, not perfect. But I adore her, adore her willing to do. I always say great job, even if l will redo it later (but not in most cases). This little girl needs support in this age. She will learn to fix her own mistakes if she does it frequently. As Indonesian proverb says "Alah bisa, karna biasa" "You can, when you make yourself used to it".