Mes Reveilles

Sometimes, life surprises us. What we wished in the past might become reality now, or you then find it not as great as you thought it would be. The cellphone you really wished you had in highschool was not that glamorous anymore, while you already have all the money to purchase it. Or the boy you had a crush on is not that 'wow' anymore, you even wonder yourself how could you fall for him. Or you thought of how impressive it would be if you could drive a car, and now that you can, you feel nothing impressive about it. Or you thought of how awesome it would be when you got married and have children and now that you do, you keep whining of how tiring it is to be the perfect mother of your dream. The list will be endless.

I myself felt some in the list, and when I talked with my cousin about this kind of feeling, she said about the same thing, about she didn't feel anysnobby feeling anymore now that she speaks chinese compared to what she felt in the beginning of her course.

                           

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I cleaned a drawer in a cupboard a few days ago and surprised myself when I found an old school note book of mine. The book is not well-kept, in fact it has torn here and there. I must have kept this book because I wrote some poetries and an english job application letter example on the back of it. I love making poems and write things on my mind when the teacher's explanation about lessons in my class didn't fulfill my curiousity. And my favourite place was in the back of the book.

So nostasgically, I read whatever I wrote there. In the front of the book were my school lessons off course, and I laughed to myself of the ridiculous things I wrote on the back.
But I smile quite a long time when I stare of my dreams I wrote 15 years ago.

I wrote it in French because that time I was learning French and writing it is like an exercise to me. No no no no, I still not mastering French because I just learned at school, and not afterwards.

Number 9 and 10 should exchange their places

What makes me smile is because everything I wrote are reality now ;

1. I am pretty : I didn't know make-up then, and now I do, so I consider I'm prettier now than what I used to be. :D

2. I am clever : Ok, not very much. But our internet provides more knowledge than before, so if you knows not a thing, search it and you can say you have brain. :D

3. I am kind : I am kinder than me before.

4. I have a lot of money : I have saving now, I didn't then

5. I have a lot of friends : Yes, I was a home-buddy, didn't go out often, didn't socialize. I'm still a home buddy now, but I often go to the neighbours to play with my children and I did socialize when I was working. I am a more easy-to-make friends now, so I think this dream is also fulfilled.

6. I am lucky : I can't tell you the detail, but some scenes in my life can assure me that I'm lucky enough.

7. I am happy : Yes I am

8. There are a lot of people help me : number 6

9. There is a handsome boy loves me : My husband is handsome d'apres moi. :D

10. He must be a moslem : Birds of a feather flock together. It's normal I think. I have christians, hindis, budhis and atheis to be my friend, I just want the same-visioned partner in marriage and it is fulfilled. :)

What do I learn when I realize that I have all that I dreamt of ? Thankfull.

Sometimes we forgot the beauty of our everyday life because we kept seeing about what is missing. What we still don't have yet.
While it is very good to chase for a dream, it is also important to enjoy a fulfilled dream.
Why don't we try to see our current life by the eyes of our previous 20 years ago. Are you happy, are you feeling wow of what you got now? Even if your current life is a wreck, befriend your youngerself. Ask her teen spirit what we should do now to fix it.
You know that the young spirit has more energy and hope than the older version of yourself, why not travel time beneath yourself and wake it up? And if everything goes right, you can thank and love nobody but yourself.

Sounds weird? Maybe. But why not give it a try. :-)

P/s : If you are a French native speaker, please correct my false grammar. :p

Hugs

When I was a young girl, I remember my mom always hug and kiss me before sleeping at night saying "selamat bobok ya nak" (Have a nice sleep my girl). And to me it was so comforting. I do the same thing to my girls now to ensure them experiencing the same comfort like I did.

I ever read that touch is more than words expressing love. I agree. When I was a single, worked, far from parents, rented a room. I felt like I was free. Yes, I was free to do what I like, eat what I want, go wherever I loved to. I didn't think I miss a thing.  But, I did miss those touches. Sometimes, I just didn't know what to do. I lost direction. I need to be touched, hugged, loved. Then I got married, have children and then I found out why it is said that marriage will make your life complete. I hug and kiss my husband and children everyday. We even kiss and hug one another when we just wake up in the morning and still that smell. At this stage I think touches as the expression of acceptance. You don't need to be somebody else to be loved. You even don't have to take a bath first, ha!

I know, not every family has a routine of hugging and kissing as an expression of love. But if you are the mother of the house, I encourage you to start now, even if your children are already a big person. Sometimes they experience rejection out there. Why don't we hug them often to show that  they are loved nomatter what. It will booze self-confidence.

And anyway, hugging your husband everymorning, even when you just had a quarell, will show forgiveness and add romance. I tried it before. It felt awkward first, but it did fix the relationship. :)